Fear

Dear blog,

I saw the opportunity and grab instantly, not willing to see the such chances flew away.

It wasn't too tough a decision for me to make. 

I want to have a chance to be with the best, so I could learn further, and be real good in what I do.

Still, I couldn't believe something so good present in my life, I have fear and worries and pressure as well.

Dear blog, I fear I would failed myself and eventually made myself a laughing stock.  I am too fragile for failure.

Why it's so hard to get....

Dear blog,




It's hard to get favour from certain group people, even it's their obligation to help you, to facilitate you, but some people dumped you sour words, not even be thoughtful and considerate enough to release your burden.


Dear, I don't really feel hurt, definitely not for this bitch.


But could I blame them ?  I should be able to look deeply, as this man not even selfish , he even lack the power and ability.

Well, this guys would have to remember, as if you don't help at least don't expect mercy from the others as well, when you are in need.

Well, big brother, I owed you one.  So,I have decided to forget the cruel things you have said about me, and it's good time to let go.  The moment you said yes, I felt so relieve.

Dear blog, I hope from this experience I would be more thoughtful of the others, I simple wouldn't turn away with people who are in needs, as it's wouldn't be easy to open ones mouth and ask. 

Plan A

Dear blog, 


I want to tell you a bitch's story, and  she is a perfect bitch.

I guess I have to tailor a special plan just for her, the honour is all hers to take, I just execute it.  She chose to confront and challenge, make war then.....

When I tried to imagine put myself in her shoes, I kind of understood she being so over reacting, sunk so low and blurted out  something angered me.

But, I porbably would had did the same to those who threatened my existance in such territory. Even I understood her course of action she still a bitch.

She and all her colleagues have their so called KPI, and their bosses are more bitch than her. KPI definitely not bad things but the bitch really chose the wrong guy to bully.


She shouldn't had intimitated me, I already made her paid.

However, this is no good for her and her kinds. At least this already affected your professional judgement then.

But she doesn't has broad worldview, which made her to despite those tries act out of the box. She just has small eyes, nose and heart.

This time I hate myself

To my disappointment, I just succumbed to my fear, I almost did something against my better judgement.

I hate myself to let weakness overwhelmed me.  

grateful

I thought I would be jealous and envy of such arrangement, but no.  Thank God, I already get over that.

Grateful for that.

Friend or Foe

In the Castle of Sabotage,even the entire sovereign  it's close to impossible to get lifelong friends, especially those who really know you, as the facts remain that we're all competitors in one way or another.

We compete for better chances, jobs, salaries and promotion. Any of these could put the best friendship into test.  I had seen and heard many of the one time best friends turned into foes, as though spare them a thought would be a waste of lives.

So, being a smarter me, I seldom befriend colleagues. I don't know if any of them would accept the real me as I do.

I have a lot of hi-bye friends, but don't really give a damn, in fact I could be a hypocrite if I wish to, sometimes I made a better Drama King than Tom Hank.

The Queen

Queens are everywhere.

In my castle of sabotage, there are few lady whom think they are queens, obviously, they are more bitches.

One of the so called queen came to me, obviously with sabotage in her mind, but pretended as victim.

She said her superior critised her for not able to assess the real cost of a project.  

I just listened to her , asked few questions about it , and realise she made so obvious mistakes.  She was in the business for long, isn't she not suppose to make such mistake ?

Well, there are always somebody seek for support but at the wrong course, I just ignore and ignore and ignore. She sense my feeling, and walked away in detest

Don't you know that what you've done is going to make the rest of us suffer ? And this colleague of mine have a taste to subotage the employer and proud of her making.

Meeting jerk

My work require me to mix around with a lot of people, but some not quite made comfortable, leaving me wonder what kind of bastard they are.  

I hate especially when one asked in surprise and high-pitched tone :"You don't you know about it ? ".

And that wasn't the end of stories, the guy pushed-on and said, so you don't know, you don't have to work on it lah ?

But I am a bitch to satisfy his nerve to say I really, well, he has one.  And I can only write bad thing about this jerk in a secretly kept blog.
 

castle of SABOTAGE

Too bad to say that I really worked in a castle of Sabotage.

Colleague A is sabotaging B, and B is comparing the salary he has with C, Thinking he is the best in the reign, and D are having affair with F.

Hell, that's not the end of it, G as well as the rest are thinking that they are under-paid, so most of the time they are facebooking, chatting and even of planning where to have lunch and shopping?

Errrrr, where is me then ?

I am in the catogory of the rest lah, idiot, didn't I already imply enough

Well, how they sabotage ?

Being lazy always, and mastered the skill being undiscovered, isn't the first step to sabotage your dear employer ?

Off course, I have more to tell, if you'll excuse me, I will prepare for work.

Oh, before I go, I wish to greet thee, wellcome to my castle.  I ain't no lady, and don't expect to see knights and be knighted.....

This is the world of reality, the evil of me would say, as long as I am in the system, I don't mind who are being sabotaged at all.

killing me with book prices

I always wonder, why English books are so expensive, and the English readers seems to care less ?

I am a Chinese Educated, I have a thisrt for book ever since childhood, but my family wasn't as wealthy, therefore I went to bookshop every weekend, stay half day and read.

When I grown up, I read less and less, work demand more time of me. But recently am a bit settle down, and regain my hobby.

I then realised that English books are more expensive, compare with Chinese books, even Chinese book getting more expensive now, which I turn to pirating copies, not ashame to admit that.

Well, in Malaysia , if you were a book lover and crazy about reading, this habit alone can make you a broke guy. So why on earth we need to buy the original copy.

Pirating is a million dolars business cater for the poor and people who crazed for book and knowledge like me.

I love Reader's Digest  since childhood, but this magazine book sold RM15 a copy, and it's not a thick copy anymore, even National Geography increased to RM20.

So , I just get the old magazine, which only cost RM4 for an old copy.

I make a wish then, to have the government, the bookshop operators, the authors, and the publishers sit together and come up with something that could bring down the book price. 20% cut would be a good start.

If not we are going to make the city a 'culture desert'（文化沙漠）, a derog description on people read less and made the countries'  knowledge and culture as "dry" as desrt. 

note to myself

Dear blog, I swear to you, when I wrote this article, I wasn't Up to NO GOOD.

In fact, this is for my own betterment.

This is ......

Notes to myself :

1. To improve bahasa, could be English, Mandarin.

2. To read more.

3. To care less for office politic.

4. Easy go happy with less acquainted frens and colleagues.

5. To further study, upgrade and have some input.

6. To love myself more.

7. To excercise more.

8. To blog more, especially write more in English to improve and update myself.

9. To work harder despite bad feeling.

10. To find another job. (If could)

11. Never complain, uhh, to complain less.

12. To mind my own business.

13. To continue write as much as in fb, plurk, twitter and etc, despite getting no respond.

14. To watch more and more drama and movies, don't be so choosy.

15. To spare more time for my family.

16. To write more diary, in fact I used to carry a small pocket diary, so that I take note of happening that befall me.

17. And ......am going to have date, with X.

Yummy.

The story begins

Dear blog, 


I am so sorry that I have to give you such tricky and awful name :  "Am Up to No Good" , as I have tried all my best to act like one and speak like one.


Basically, I live the life of a good person, until the evil side of me surges, like a giant tide that flushed my life, haunted me for so long that I can remember, I decided to made peace with her.


So, dear blog, you will be a diary and fiction story of hers.




I picked up the habit of writting diary ever since childhood, spent hours in writting, even retrospecting, and my job require me to write a lot.


I thought I am doing a good job recording some sort of memoir, until lately, a friend asked me, if I ever lied to myself in diary ?


I blurted out a "NO", no even blinked my eyelids, but deep inside, I knew that it was a YES , which so obviuos that I am pretty much a lier.

It disheartens me to admit, I always lie to my dear diaries, I didn't not face the real me. 

The fact is, I don't feel secure enough to write the truth about myself, for fear the others would know my true colours.

My deepest fear is what I wrote previously would come back to  me, and more importantly, the rumours and critics would always haunt me..

My entire upbringing, seem to accept only the goodness in people, and there's no room for one's bad charators and evil thought, such as greed, hatred, resent, distrust,lust, envy and jealousy. 

You would be an outcast and being brandes "the others", if the any one of them found out what your true self is.

I once felt shameful to have such elements in me, but in time I've learnt to deal with the ghost in me, and we made peace with each other.

I didn't want to be part of and kind of politic, lobby and politicking, I've tried to avoid that, it's hurt to be an outsider and outcast, not until recently that I realise that the way I behave, in fact is a fight back.

I'm not ashame of the real me now, I am no angel, and have no wish to go paradise after this life, I now gladly take the whole me as me.

So, if I were evil, that I better take every aun of my strength to master the skill, if not become the best, at least become a good one.